Some fun for the Zillow meetings in Las Vegas this week….

MLS EXEC

You want answers?

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
I think I’m entitled to them.

MLS EXEC
You want answers?!

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
I want the truth.

MLS EXEC
You can’t handle the truth!

And nobody moves.

MLS EXEC

(continuing)

Son, we live in a country that has an MLS. And that MLS is more than just managing a database. Who’s gonna do it? The Seller? You, Mr. Big Broker? You, Mr. Industry Consultant? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep that listings are now everywhere and curse the MLS. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: The genie is out of the bottle. Your old gatekeeper days aren’t coming back. Upstream and BPP are DOA. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, helps you do more business.

(beat)

You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at Inman Connect, Realty Alliance or Gathering of Eagles, you want the MLS. You need the MLS!

(boasting)

We use words like cooperation, compensation, accuracy… we use these words as the backbone to a life spent building something. You use ’em as a punchline.

(beat)

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very piece of mind I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you move to Australia. I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to.

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
(quietly)

Did you do a deal with Zillow?

MLS EXEC
(beat)

I did the job my members sent me to do.

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT

Did you do a deal with Zillow?!!

MLS EXEC

(pause)

You’re goddamn right I did!!