Where Real Estate Gets Its Dirt

A Few Good MLS Execs

Some fun for the Zillow meetings in Las Vegas this week….

MLS EXEC

You want answers?

Industry Consultant 1
INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
I think I’m entitled to them.

MLS EXEC
You want answers?!

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
I want the truth.

MLS EXEC
You can’t handle the truth!

And nobody moves.

MLS EXEC 1

MLS EXEC

(continuing)

Son, we live in a country that has an MLS. And that MLS is more than just managing a database. Who’s gonna do it? The Seller? You, Mr. Big Broker? You, Mr. Industry Consultant? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep that listings are now everywhere and curse the MLS. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: The genie is out of the bottle. Your old gatekeeper days aren’t coming back. Upstream and BPP are DOA. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, helps you do more business.

(beat)

You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at Inman Connect, Realty Alliance or Gathering of Eagles, you want the MLS. You need the MLS!

(boasting)

We use words like cooperation, compensation, accuracy… we use these words as the backbone to a life spent building something. You use ’em as a punchline.

(beat)

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very piece of mind I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you move to Australia. I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to.

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT
(quietly)

Did you do a deal with Zillow?

MLS EXEC
(beat)

I did the job my members sent me to do.

INDUSTRY CONSULTANT

Industry Consultant 2

Did you do a deal with Zillow?!!

MLS EXEC

(pause)

MLS EXEC 2

You’re goddamn right I did!!

  3. Mark Bloomfield/N-Play

    NAR Executive enters room and announces: All MLS execs and others will retire to a conference holding room until further instructed.

    MLS Exec: What the hell is this? What’s going on? I did my job. I’d do it again.
    I’m going to get on a plane and get back to my office.

    NAR Exec: You’re not going anywhere. MLSPs, guard the data bigwig.

    MLS Exec: What the hell is this?!?

    NAR Corp Counsel: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say….

    MLS Exec: I’m being charged with a crime??? Is that what this is?? I’m being charged with a crime?!?! Funny, that’s what this is.

    MLS Exec turns to face Industry Consultant and lunges at his throat…

    MLS Exec: I’m going to rip the eyes out of your head and piss in your dead skull! You fucked with the wrong MLS Executive!!!! You fucking people! You have no idea how to defend or distribute data. All you did is weaken an industry. You put realtors’ livelihoods in danger. Sweet dreams son.

    Industry Consultant: Don’t call me son. I’m a hard working 25 year veteran Realtor in the National Association of Realtors….. and you’re under arrest you son of a bitch. The bigwig is excused.

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