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Weekend Update Script from CMLS 2016

by Greg Robertson on September 23rd, 2016

Update (9.23.16 at 9:45pm)

I’ve added the images of the slides and a video to this post.

I thought I would post my script from my “weekend update” session at CMLS 2016. Sorry for any typos…

“Hi, I’m Greg Robertson, and here’s your WEEKEND MLS UPDATE

1. Upstream announced today two key hires to help with implementation and operations.

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Upstream CEO, Alex Lange in a statement said, “We think with the help of Penn & Teller we really might get this thing to work.”

2. Speaking of Upstream.

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I have no real joke here, just the logo.

3. RPR announced today they found the one REALTOR using RPR to create reports.

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It turned out to be the 2 year old son of Joe Lightman, a REALTOR in Spokane Washington, who had somehow managed to get at Daddy’s keyboard.

4. In other related AMP news, Marty Frame announced that in tandem with the release of AMP they will also launch a new API that will replace MLS executives.

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In a statement, Mr. Frame said “It was actually a pretty easy thing to do, since no MLS execs follow business rules.”

5. This morning it was announced that Adrese Roundtree will replace Daniel Craig as the new James Bond.

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It might be the only time in the film’s franchise history that the new Bond will get less ass than the actor that plays him.

6. Donald Trump threw his hat in the ring to be the next CEO of the national association of realtors.

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In a statement Mr. Trump said that if he loses the general election this year, he will run to become NAR CEO.

When asked why he would like to take NAR’s top spot, Mr. Trump exclaimed “I thought the salary was fantastic!”

7. Right on the heels of Zillow’s announcement that Diverse Solutions would be sold to MarketLeader, Zillow today announced it would also be selling DotLoop to Market Leader as well.

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No money was exchanged, Zillow said in a statement that the only terms of the deal was that Market Leader had to take Austin Alision and his Twitter account with him.

8. Hey did you hear that thanks to the MLS industry the people at Oxford Dictionaries announced earlier this week that they have added a new phrase?

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In 2017 “Industry Relations” will be added to the Oxford Dictionary

9. CMLS CEO, Denee Evans, today announced another major partnership. This is right after CMLS announced a deal with NAR.

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The Prince of Darkness. That’s right, the devil himself. Because, at this point, what’s the difference?

10. Also, after the stunning success of showing a video of alcoholics in recovery at the CMLS Gala Wednesday night CMLS announced that next year they will be adding videos showing lap band surgery and the dangers of STDs.

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This way nobody will want to drink, eat or fuck at a CMLS conference ever again.

11. Hey, did you hear about the minor crisis at the SW Steakhouse at the Wynn last night?

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From what I hear the famed steakhouse ran out of Silver Oak! But don’t worry the HAR staff was quickly relocated to Nobu across the street where the evening when on as planned.

12. Matrix today announced that they have changed the name of their new MLS software product.

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Formally known as Matrix 360, they have changed the name to Matrix 2060 to correlate with their new release date.

13. Anyone have any idea of what this number means?

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This is how many days its been since the realty alliance said the MLS industry had 10 days left.

Thank for everyone being such a good sport. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!

Also Freddy Sarabia (who also shot a video of my MLS Rap earlier this year) was in the audience and got a lot of my session on video. Enjoy!

4 Comments
  1. Jeff Gellman permalink

    Greg, you ignorant slut.

  2. Robbin Crossley permalink

    Greg…this was awesome…thanks

  3. Chris Lambrou permalink

    And in other news… Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

  4. Rosemary Scardina permalink

    Greg…you added some desperately needed levity.

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