Where Real Estate Gets Its Dirt

Plop…plop

I was asked to participate in a virtual happy hour with Zillow co-founder and CEO Rich Barton and Errol Samuelson. Both Rich and Errol demonstrated how to make their favorite cocktails. I was the “surprise guest” after Rich and Errol, and came up with this short skit on the preparation of one of my favorite drinks. In preparation for the event, I put the skit in script form.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM – EVENING

GREG sits at the edge of his bed. He is wearing a suit. His tie is very loose. Next to him, on his nightstand, is a lamp turned on, a glass of water, a book, and a framed photo of BOB HALE.

GREG

Well, those two drinks certainly look very tasty. I prefer Tanqueray over Hendricks, but that’s a personal choice, ERROL.
What I’m going to share with you now, is the preparation of another classic cocktail. Traditionally this would be taken after a big meal and long night, so in that sense, it might be classified as “digestif”. This spirit has 3 main ingredients.
Aspirin, Sodium hydrogen carbonate, and Citric acid.
Lucky for us these 3 ingredients are already pre-mixed.
The only mixer you’ll need is water.
In North America, and really around the world the popular name for this libation is Alka-Seltzer.
The drink is typically served bedside.
Let me demonstrate.
The first thing you need is a glass of water. (Motions hand to glass) I would go with shorter glassware, since, as I mentioned, we are bedside.
Also, you want to make sure the water is warm.
Now you take the convenient packet. (reaches into drawer of nightstand) Hold it over the glass of water. And tear the package, gently. Ideally, you don’t want to touch the tablets with your fingers.

GREG drops two tablets of Alka Seltzer into the glass of water. It begins to fizz.

GREG

Now, wait for the tablets to evaporate. Pro-tip, the warmer the water the faster the tablets will dissolve. But honestly, I find watching the bubbles cascade upwards very soothing and meditative. (Greg raises the glass and looks at its bubbles)
Now. The question of consumption comes in. Do you take a few swigs? Or all in one gulp? There is really no right answer. I am of the opinion of the one gulp approach. Treat it like a tequila shot in Cabo. Just, down the hatch in one swift motion!

GREG grabs the glass of Alka Seltzer and drinks it in one gulp.

GREG

Ahhhh!

GREG

There you have it. You’ll be feeling better in no time. Now keep in mind, this cocktail can also be served in the morning.
Thank you RICH and ERROL for including me and I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the party.
But keep in mind, you should always follow one simple rule. (Puts up index finger)

GREG

Never, go big on the first night.
Thanks, everyone.

  1. Your clothes simply don’t fit the scene. Ain’t no way you are still in a coat and tie while imbibing on your ‘digestif’. Otherwise – very spot on!

  2. If only I had followed this guidance as a younger man. Do you travel with the framed photo or do you just carry a wallet sized image of Mr. Hale?

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